Baby News
I just heard today that Deniz, my friend in Turkey, is pregnant with twins. She did not enlighten me about whether they were boys or girls, or one of each, but it's great to know such good news! It's too bad I won't be able to be there to see them grow up. :)
Also, Petra and Hubert gave birth to my new baby girl today! (I call her "mine" even though she really isn't) I went by the hospital to see if she was already in the little baby viewing room, but she wasn't and, since she was delivered by c-section, I didn't want to bother Petra and Hubert today. I will try again tomorrow and I will have more information then!
My Ride on a Harley
My coworker, Duke Staggs, has agreed to give me a ride on his Harley on Tuesday! More news forthcoming!
Elisabeth
Friday, August 31, 2007
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Update: the first week of school
Work
It's going great! This is definitely the best first week I have ever had! I'm exhausted because of school -- and because of all the running I've been doing.
No Magic Bullet
This whole week, we've been doing a lot of "getting to know you" activities in the classroom. First we did "Where have I been and how did I get here?" Then the big question was, "Where would I like to go?" I asked the students to visualize where they would like to be in 10 years, who they would like to be with, etc., to aid in their goal setting. As an example, I did it myself. I was honest about the three things I would like to be different in 10 years:
A) I would like to live in Montreal (or in some S. American country) for a year
B) I would like to own a house in the North End.
C) I would like to have children.
All this talk about the future and about goals, as well as the reality that I am turning 29 next Thursday, has brought me to that melancholy place yet again.
Last year -- as you know -- I decided that I was done with the emotional relationship roller coaster. So, I entered a "man free" zone. Basically, that just meant that I was going to stop pursuing them: they would have to pursue me. (Though I'm never shy about being friendly and showing interest.) Well, over the past year, the "man free" part of that zone has eroded somewhat and now I'm in some hazy place I guess I'll call "the zone." Another word for it would be "limbo." Here's what its like:
It's like I'm trying to convince myself that men are superfluous, that I'm fine without them, while at the same time I have to be honest about one thing: I want a relationship! I've come to accept that this is not going to change. And there is nothing dearer to my heart than the will to have children. I don't think this is unhealthy or unnatural: I'm plenty old enough physically and many people have had children in less stable financial situations than I have now. Of course, though, I will not have children unless I'm married, and I'm not going to marry any old bozo just because the right someone never bothered to show up.
So, I'm kind of trying to walk this fine line. On the one hand, I'm trying to convince myself that marriage is not necessary for me. I do this to protect myself in case it doesn't happen and because I know that, in the past, I have acted in a way that I think made some men feel like I was targeting them. I've been trying really hard to change my behaviors, to back off, to live in that ambiguous place where you don't know what's going to happen or even who this person is, and to let them do their thing. I've actually gotten a lot better at letting men alone. I'm still trying to negotiate the boundaries and fine points, but I'm doing worlds better. It takes a lot of conscious decision-making, but I'm doing it.
And that takes a lot of letting go and letting slide. That's really hard for me. It's a source of concern for me, this whole relationship thing, and It's not in my nature to let things go their own way all the time, but I'm trying. I can't deny that the clock is ticking and that I hear it, but the Taoist response of non-action is kind of the only possible response right now. My actions always seem to screw things up.
Which brings up another point, even though I'm sure you'll read it and think, "It's silly of her to worry about this." There are just about literally a total of 3 young, single men at work (out of 100 people)(Male teachers tend to be married. I think it's because they are surrounded by so many female teachers that the pickings are quite good.) I just found out at the end of the summer that the administration had me moved into the portable classroom next to the youngest and most eligible of them all. This is kind of inherently a challenge for me: I find him attractive and it's awfully hard not to hope. I even think he's Catholic, which is a big deal. Unfortunately, he's a really private person and it seems to bug him if I go try to talk with him too much. I'm trying hard not push or target him, since I really don't even know him even as a friend. The problem is, considering his behavior, I don't know if I'll even get the chance. I talked with my mom about it and she said, "Stop caring." Ooookay. Stop caring. How? I can hold back, let him come to me (if he ever does) but I don't know that I can stop hoping. :)
So, anyway, That's where we are. I've had an anthem lately. It's "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie. Maybe this is what's going on . . .
"I must go alone
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay."
Maybe I need to walk alone a while longer. The only question is: How much longer? And how alone?
On the other hand, this past year has seen the birth of a couple of great friendships with married men, who seem to be the only group I can really relate to. Mike and I have had lots of fun running together. And I've been enjoying my co-workers, both male and female. Everything is going well, but it's hard not to notice that yet another year has gone by and things still haven't worked themselves out in the relationship department, despite the work I've done. I guess I just need to keep working on myself and, hopefully, someday someone will notice!
:) Elisabeth
It's going great! This is definitely the best first week I have ever had! I'm exhausted because of school -- and because of all the running I've been doing.
No Magic Bullet
This whole week, we've been doing a lot of "getting to know you" activities in the classroom. First we did "Where have I been and how did I get here?" Then the big question was, "Where would I like to go?" I asked the students to visualize where they would like to be in 10 years, who they would like to be with, etc., to aid in their goal setting. As an example, I did it myself. I was honest about the three things I would like to be different in 10 years:
A) I would like to live in Montreal (or in some S. American country) for a year
B) I would like to own a house in the North End.
C) I would like to have children.
All this talk about the future and about goals, as well as the reality that I am turning 29 next Thursday, has brought me to that melancholy place yet again.
Last year -- as you know -- I decided that I was done with the emotional relationship roller coaster. So, I entered a "man free" zone. Basically, that just meant that I was going to stop pursuing them: they would have to pursue me. (Though I'm never shy about being friendly and showing interest.) Well, over the past year, the "man free" part of that zone has eroded somewhat and now I'm in some hazy place I guess I'll call "the zone." Another word for it would be "limbo." Here's what its like:
It's like I'm trying to convince myself that men are superfluous, that I'm fine without them, while at the same time I have to be honest about one thing: I want a relationship! I've come to accept that this is not going to change. And there is nothing dearer to my heart than the will to have children. I don't think this is unhealthy or unnatural: I'm plenty old enough physically and many people have had children in less stable financial situations than I have now. Of course, though, I will not have children unless I'm married, and I'm not going to marry any old bozo just because the right someone never bothered to show up.
So, I'm kind of trying to walk this fine line. On the one hand, I'm trying to convince myself that marriage is not necessary for me. I do this to protect myself in case it doesn't happen and because I know that, in the past, I have acted in a way that I think made some men feel like I was targeting them. I've been trying really hard to change my behaviors, to back off, to live in that ambiguous place where you don't know what's going to happen or even who this person is, and to let them do their thing. I've actually gotten a lot better at letting men alone. I'm still trying to negotiate the boundaries and fine points, but I'm doing worlds better. It takes a lot of conscious decision-making, but I'm doing it.
And that takes a lot of letting go and letting slide. That's really hard for me. It's a source of concern for me, this whole relationship thing, and It's not in my nature to let things go their own way all the time, but I'm trying. I can't deny that the clock is ticking and that I hear it, but the Taoist response of non-action is kind of the only possible response right now. My actions always seem to screw things up.
Which brings up another point, even though I'm sure you'll read it and think, "It's silly of her to worry about this." There are just about literally a total of 3 young, single men at work (out of 100 people)(Male teachers tend to be married. I think it's because they are surrounded by so many female teachers that the pickings are quite good.) I just found out at the end of the summer that the administration had me moved into the portable classroom next to the youngest and most eligible of them all. This is kind of inherently a challenge for me: I find him attractive and it's awfully hard not to hope. I even think he's Catholic, which is a big deal. Unfortunately, he's a really private person and it seems to bug him if I go try to talk with him too much. I'm trying hard not push or target him, since I really don't even know him even as a friend. The problem is, considering his behavior, I don't know if I'll even get the chance. I talked with my mom about it and she said, "Stop caring." Ooookay. Stop caring. How? I can hold back, let him come to me (if he ever does) but I don't know that I can stop hoping. :)
So, anyway, That's where we are. I've had an anthem lately. It's "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie. Maybe this is what's going on . . .
"I must go alone
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay."
Maybe I need to walk alone a while longer. The only question is: How much longer? And how alone?
On the other hand, this past year has seen the birth of a couple of great friendships with married men, who seem to be the only group I can really relate to. Mike and I have had lots of fun running together. And I've been enjoying my co-workers, both male and female. Everything is going well, but it's hard not to notice that yet another year has gone by and things still haven't worked themselves out in the relationship department, despite the work I've done. I guess I just need to keep working on myself and, hopefully, someday someone will notice!
:) Elisabeth
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Running and My YouTube Habit
Hello!
The summer is finally over and school has arrived! I know it has been forever since my last post. Trust me, though, I haven't had too much to post. Well, that's not true, there has been some fun family stuff. :)
Family News
Accompanying photos forthcoming
My baby sister left last Friday to go to graduate school at the University of Washington! She's getting her masters in some sort of environmental engineering. Last I heard, she was very lonely and adjusting. Luckily, we got a web camera just for this occasion and we are able to talk with her live and see her too! We spoke with her last night. She said that she hasn't met anyone there yet except for a few of the other students. I think it's awesome that she is willing to do move away like this.
What's more exciting, though, is that she has been offered a partnership in the consulting firm where she worked in Boise for after she graduates! That's so cool! Also, all of her co-workers from here are taking off to Seattle this weekend to see the BSU/UW game and to visit her. That's pretty sweet for a bunch of old manly men. They're pretty attached to her. It's cute.
Also my baby cousin, Adam, got married last Friday! The crazy part about it was that he and his girlfriend went and decided to get married but they didn't tell anyone; I heard it from Grandma. I then called my aunt to see how to proceed: Should we come to the wedding? If we shouldn't, would it be all right to at least send a gift? (My cousin is the type to not tell anyone about his wedding but then be sad that nobody came.) My aunt said that we were welcome to come. So, two Fridays ago, all four of us went to the courthouse and witnessed the marriage of Adam and Jillian. Afterwards we had cheesecake and pictures in the park. Their baby, Gracie, was wearing a beautiful little blue dress and she kept giving me kisses. She's so precious!
My cousin, Angie, has moved back to Boise after four years with her husband and children in California. She came to my parents' for dinner last week. I got to meet her new baby, Kenny, and I got to hang out with her two-year-old, Ronnie Joe. He's pretty sweet. It was really nice to see her again.
My parents turned 60 this Summer! For my mom's birthday, we had a small family party. For my dad's birthday, though, my mom and my sister went all out! My mom rented a backhoe with attached frontloader, and my sister arranged it so that my dad would have two free hours at the site where her company is building a mall. My dad got free dirt access for two hours and he got to learn how to use the backhoe. It's been a dream of his for a long time to run one of those! It was tons of fun. My uncle Dennis and my cousin, Jonathon, came along and they had the time of their lives. Afterwards we had a lovely dinner at Outback steak house. Pictures of this will be coming shortly. I know I have access to those.
I'll post pictures of all these folks as soon as I can get some. Unfortunately, I still haven't solved the digital camera problem. (I'm kind of getting fed up with that, actually)
Running
It's going well! I've worked my way up to running between 5 and 6 miles. Mike was right when he told me that distance running is one of the hardest sports because it's you against yourself. Three times a week he has me run two miles fast. I run 5-7 miles on three other days. The two miles fast runs are actually harder than the 5-6 mile runs. Especially now since, when I run, my body wants to go faster and faster but the faster I go, the more my lungs hurt and the more uncomfortable I am! It's a struggle because I have to choose between being really uncomfortable and going really fast, or being more comfortable and running slower (when all my legs want to do is move!) It's really a balancing act and it's very mental. It's actually incredibly frustrating to have two opposing things happening in your body at once, as if my body can't agree with itself about what it wants to do. Tonight I opted to run the last two laps of my two miles more slowly because 1) it's less painful that way, and the juxtaposition between how fast my body wanted to go and how uncomfortable my lungs were was making me angry, and 2) if I associate running with consternation, I'm less likely to do it next time. It really is a struggle to get myself out for the 2-mile runs. I hate having lungs that hurt even if I know it's expanding them and that it's good for me.
More news forthcoming on that.
You-Tubing
Since my parents have recently acquired a high speed internet connection I have been able to catch up on all my favorite actors on You Tube! (Yes, I admit, I have been hanging out here a lot the last couple of weeks!) I have found some gems I want to share with you.
JULIE ANDREWS
I was her biggest fan as a child! I hadn't heard about her at all since I read in the news several years ago that she had lost her voice. So, when the cable guy came and fixed the internet last week, I decided to find out what she was up to. What I discovered from recent interviews is that she is healthier now than ever! She has really come in to her own as an older lady, I think. She's not afraid anymore to be who she is and to let her personality shine. She's an incredibly confident woman now, and I find that very inspiring!
She and her daughter, Emma, have launched a campaign to promote children's literacy. There is a lot on You Tube about that.
Here a couple of my favorite moments with the Dame herself:
Funny and Short! Julie Andrews responding to Steve Martin's joke. This is from the 75th Anniversary of the Oscars.
The Ellen show is great! I thought this was really funny.
And, of course, the history major must speak. This is her singing the British national anthem when she was 11, then it goes into some very early interviews.
There are some other really cute ones. But I think these three are especially nice.
ENRIQUE MURCIANO
I've been a fan of Without A Trace for a while. My favorite character on that show is Danny Taylor (played by Enrique Murciano.) When I looked up these interviews with Enrique Murciano, I was thoroughly amused. No one would be mistaken to call me silly and to call me a dreamer, but I don't think I'm this bad! It's pretty funny! Check these out!
The Ellen Show from whence Enrique Murciano earned the nickname "Ukelele Boy." (Switch to the last two minutes to see the Ukelele part. It's pretty cute.)
And the follow up appearance, which I think is even better
But, look at the last two minutes of this one to see Enrique, the hopeless romantic. I think it's pretty funny and pretty cute, too, in it's way!
I'll get to talking about work later. I've been working too much to talk about work!
Elisabeth
The summer is finally over and school has arrived! I know it has been forever since my last post. Trust me, though, I haven't had too much to post. Well, that's not true, there has been some fun family stuff. :)
Family News
Accompanying photos forthcoming
My baby sister left last Friday to go to graduate school at the University of Washington! She's getting her masters in some sort of environmental engineering. Last I heard, she was very lonely and adjusting. Luckily, we got a web camera just for this occasion and we are able to talk with her live and see her too! We spoke with her last night. She said that she hasn't met anyone there yet except for a few of the other students. I think it's awesome that she is willing to do move away like this.
What's more exciting, though, is that she has been offered a partnership in the consulting firm where she worked in Boise for after she graduates! That's so cool! Also, all of her co-workers from here are taking off to Seattle this weekend to see the BSU/UW game and to visit her. That's pretty sweet for a bunch of old manly men. They're pretty attached to her. It's cute.
Also my baby cousin, Adam, got married last Friday! The crazy part about it was that he and his girlfriend went and decided to get married but they didn't tell anyone; I heard it from Grandma. I then called my aunt to see how to proceed: Should we come to the wedding? If we shouldn't, would it be all right to at least send a gift? (My cousin is the type to not tell anyone about his wedding but then be sad that nobody came.) My aunt said that we were welcome to come. So, two Fridays ago, all four of us went to the courthouse and witnessed the marriage of Adam and Jillian. Afterwards we had cheesecake and pictures in the park. Their baby, Gracie, was wearing a beautiful little blue dress and she kept giving me kisses. She's so precious!
My cousin, Angie, has moved back to Boise after four years with her husband and children in California. She came to my parents' for dinner last week. I got to meet her new baby, Kenny, and I got to hang out with her two-year-old, Ronnie Joe. He's pretty sweet. It was really nice to see her again.
My parents turned 60 this Summer! For my mom's birthday, we had a small family party. For my dad's birthday, though, my mom and my sister went all out! My mom rented a backhoe with attached frontloader, and my sister arranged it so that my dad would have two free hours at the site where her company is building a mall. My dad got free dirt access for two hours and he got to learn how to use the backhoe. It's been a dream of his for a long time to run one of those! It was tons of fun. My uncle Dennis and my cousin, Jonathon, came along and they had the time of their lives. Afterwards we had a lovely dinner at Outback steak house. Pictures of this will be coming shortly. I know I have access to those.
I'll post pictures of all these folks as soon as I can get some. Unfortunately, I still haven't solved the digital camera problem. (I'm kind of getting fed up with that, actually)
Running
It's going well! I've worked my way up to running between 5 and 6 miles. Mike was right when he told me that distance running is one of the hardest sports because it's you against yourself. Three times a week he has me run two miles fast. I run 5-7 miles on three other days. The two miles fast runs are actually harder than the 5-6 mile runs. Especially now since, when I run, my body wants to go faster and faster but the faster I go, the more my lungs hurt and the more uncomfortable I am! It's a struggle because I have to choose between being really uncomfortable and going really fast, or being more comfortable and running slower (when all my legs want to do is move!) It's really a balancing act and it's very mental. It's actually incredibly frustrating to have two opposing things happening in your body at once, as if my body can't agree with itself about what it wants to do. Tonight I opted to run the last two laps of my two miles more slowly because 1) it's less painful that way, and the juxtaposition between how fast my body wanted to go and how uncomfortable my lungs were was making me angry, and 2) if I associate running with consternation, I'm less likely to do it next time. It really is a struggle to get myself out for the 2-mile runs. I hate having lungs that hurt even if I know it's expanding them and that it's good for me.
More news forthcoming on that.
You-Tubing
Since my parents have recently acquired a high speed internet connection I have been able to catch up on all my favorite actors on You Tube! (Yes, I admit, I have been hanging out here a lot the last couple of weeks!) I have found some gems I want to share with you.
JULIE ANDREWS
I was her biggest fan as a child! I hadn't heard about her at all since I read in the news several years ago that she had lost her voice. So, when the cable guy came and fixed the internet last week, I decided to find out what she was up to. What I discovered from recent interviews is that she is healthier now than ever! She has really come in to her own as an older lady, I think. She's not afraid anymore to be who she is and to let her personality shine. She's an incredibly confident woman now, and I find that very inspiring!
She and her daughter, Emma, have launched a campaign to promote children's literacy. There is a lot on You Tube about that.
Here a couple of my favorite moments with the Dame herself:
Funny and Short! Julie Andrews responding to Steve Martin's joke. This is from the 75th Anniversary of the Oscars.
The Ellen show is great! I thought this was really funny.
And, of course, the history major must speak. This is her singing the British national anthem when she was 11, then it goes into some very early interviews.
There are some other really cute ones. But I think these three are especially nice.
ENRIQUE MURCIANO
I've been a fan of Without A Trace for a while. My favorite character on that show is Danny Taylor (played by Enrique Murciano.) When I looked up these interviews with Enrique Murciano, I was thoroughly amused. No one would be mistaken to call me silly and to call me a dreamer, but I don't think I'm this bad! It's pretty funny! Check these out!
The Ellen Show from whence Enrique Murciano earned the nickname "Ukelele Boy." (Switch to the last two minutes to see the Ukelele part. It's pretty cute.)
And the follow up appearance, which I think is even better
But, look at the last two minutes of this one to see Enrique, the hopeless romantic. I think it's pretty funny and pretty cute, too, in it's way!
I'll get to talking about work later. I've been working too much to talk about work!
Elisabeth
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