Saturday, December 30

Hello, dear ones!

Well, it's the last Saturday before school starts up again! I'm going to leave in a few minutes to go walking and to get some work done so that, come Wednesday, things aren't quite as stressful when I go back to school. :)

The Wedding

It's a strange, interesting day! Today is the day thatMarkus and Jen get married. My family left about an hour ago to head up to Jerome for the wedding and I'm here solo to do my work. The excellent thing is that they left their digital camera, so I will be able to use it today!

I made a little green, beaded ornament for Markus and Jen and I sent it to the wedding with my folks. (I think that green is the color of peace, and the three of us need peace.) I got a little heart bead and I added it to the top. The sad thing is that I just decided to do it yesterday, and I was still working on it four minutes before my parents left to go to the wedding, so it turned out a bit loose. That just goes to show me that, when I make these, I need to give myself enough time. The one I made for my cousin turned out beautifully because I was very careful and I measured everything. I still have one more blue one to make for my cousin, Dane. It needs to be done by Monday, so I will be sure to be careful on that one.

I will be sure to say a prayer for Markus and Jen today. For a long time, I was very upset and very angry about them, but I think it's high time to heal from it. So I will pray for my own healing as much as for their marriage. I'm not one of those people who "gets over" things. It's always a process. And some things it's easier to heal from than others. This sort of thing is the most difficult for me.

Which brings up thoughts about the MFZ. I think the MFZ is more than a commitment to choices. I'm starting to think that it's a commitment to God to accept his will for my life. . .to accept my calling, whether it turns out to be "for now" or forever. It's not really up to me and I think it's that acceptance that God is trying to move me toward. Though I hope he doesn't mind a few complaints along the way.

The Party

Strangely enough, though, the "other" German couple, Petra and Hubert, is having their Christmas party today! That will be a great diversion. I will go to that this evening with the little gift I have put together for them in tow. I will undoubtedly provide pictures of the event for a future post.

Optimism

My mom got me some books about becoming optimistic, something I must admit I need! So, I will be spending a bit of time working on that too!

Well, that's all for now! Have a good Saturday and I'll catch up later!
Elisabeth

Post Christmas Post

Hello, all!

Christmas was a blast! My immediate family all came to my parents' house and we all gave each other lovely gifts! For my sister I had the collage of the family and an extra frame with some family pictures, for my mom -- and it's sad to say! -- nothing, except the promise of two napkins and two placemats which have not yet arrived in the mail! For dad I monogrammed four handkerchiefs (he didn't like those so much. It's hard to blow your nose on something pretty), and I got him a pair of rubber ice-gripping soles for him to strap onto his shoes when he walks in the snow (a definite winner!). My parents got me some jeans, a coat, a small roll-away suitcase (for when I visit Misty in March), a pair of fleece pyjamas, and an all-in-one car emergency kit. (First aid, a flashlight, blanket, etc.) My sister got me an MP3 player (nice!) and a picture of us as kids in a nice picture frame. It was great!

Wesley didn't care much about his new tooth brush or his new, retractable leash. He was more interested in the Christmas left-overs.

I spent the first week of break doing crafts i.e., working on Deniz' dresser scarf (almost 2/3 done!) and beading ornaments for my cousins. Last week, my mom decided to start beading, so I went with her to the bead store. There, I bought some beads and a book which explained how to make a lovely, easy (it claimed) beaded ornament. I made the first one for my youngest cousin, Jonathon. Jonathon loves BSU football so I made the ornament in blue and orange and I added a little football to the ornament hanger at the top. Well, the beading process is not as easy as the book claimed; My cousin's ornament took me two days. Yesterday, I decided to see how long it would take me to make a second one, since now I knew what I was doing. Without a hitch, the process took a day. Way too long. Even so, the ornaments I have made are lovely, I must say. Following is a totally ripped off picture to show you what they look like.

But my beading days are done for now. I truly need to get back to the grindstone and start mapping out some of next semester's units. I went to school today and got all the stuff I'm going to need. I then came home and, instead of getting to work, I went to coffee Jennifer D. After that, I tried to get some insurance stuff out of the way and I tried to decide how I was going to get down to California to see Misty. At this point, it seems that driving is the only real way I'm going to get there.

Now, I'm sitting here working on my scholarship app for the masters program at Boise State. I'll finish it up tomorrow. It's getting late!

Elisabeth

1/2 Day!

All right! Half day tomorrow and then we're done! Woohoo!

Today was okay. We had a party in my class and students brought food. It was pretty sweet. Olga dropped by "just to visit" while she was supposed to be at her science class. I had to send her back, but it was sweet nonetheless. It's nice that students sometimes think, "I think I'll go visit Ms. Skoro" even if it does have the added incentive of getting out of class. :)

My first goal for the break is to get Emily's collage finished. I have the frame, and I've chosen a bunch of pictures. Now I just have to figure out how they could fit, and probably buy another collage frame. There are simply too many pictures for the one frame I have. It's okay. They're 50% off at Michael's.

And I am no longer waiting for Aron Ralston's e-mail. In my experience, if a person doesn't do something right away, it usually doesn't get done. If he had gotten my letter right when it came, he probably would have done his e-mail over the weekend . . . and when you're in the first few days, I think it makes sense to wait and anticipate. But any longer than that and you're simply wasting your time waiting for something that might not happen. It doesn't mean I'll never get one; I'm just not waiting anymore.

This Sunday, a young couple at Church lost their little 2-year-old. They were frantically running everywhere looking for him and they had other couples searching too. When I realized what they were doing, I decided to search in the church since the pews and everything provide a lot of little, dark places that a 2-year-old could hide. When I entered the church, I noticed that my mom was working near the altar with a couple of student readers. I went to tell her what was going on, and I noticed a little, blond, cherub face with ruby lips to her right behind the organ. There I found the two-year-old boy, totally engrossed in pushing the buttons and pulling out the stops on the organ. He seemed absolutely oblivious to the panic he had caused. I picked him up and we got him to his mom. He was gone for 15 or 20 minutes and his parents were pretty freaked. It reminds me of the story my grandma told me about when my dad disappeared when he was about 2. She found him sitting in the cupboard eating an apple, oblivious to the search that was going on for him. It was pretty cute, and it was nice to be able to help those guys.

Today I got a letter from my friend, Monica, who I haven't seen since college. I really miss her so I'll definitely give her a call as soon as I have a block of 3 hours to spare. Monica once told me, "Elisabeth, I'm so glad I finally found a friend who talks more than I do." I talk more than Monica does? If that's true, then we're in trouble. Even so, I really can't wait to talk to her and I will call as soon as I have the energy to spare!

A+
Elisabeth

Hello, My Dear Fans!

Or . . .fan!

I'll have to get my mom to tell some of her friends about this blog.

Well, folks. 1.5 days of school before Christmas Break. I've been noticing that I haven't been eating as healthy lately, drinking a lot of caffeine, etc. I thought about it and I realized why. I am so absolutely tired that when I come home I'm just a useless lump, and I hate that because it makes me feel sedentary and because it gives all sorts of time for my tired ergo depressed brain to think.

So I drink caffeine to make my body want to get up and do something.

And, caffeine makes me nervous so I want to eat, and, for some reason, I always want to eat sweets.

So, no more caffeine.

But it's Friday night. I'm so tired!

I know this goes totally against my MFZ (actually, it doesn't, since I'm mostly just dying of curiosity) but I haven't yet heard from Aron Ralston and I'm getting impatient. Am I getting impatient because it's taking a long time? No. It's still early actually. I'm just an impatient person.

So, as we wait, why not listen to smidgeon of an interview he gave for NPR a couple of years ago? Here's the link:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=3915323

Now I'm just so tired, I guess I'll go watch TV because I don't feel like going anywhere. Viva la Tuesday!

Elisabeth

Thursday before Christmas Break!

Hey!

For the last couple of days, I have had a sub at school and I have gotten the opportunity to go with a bunch of other teachers and correct Direct Writing Assessments. I'm really glad I signed up! I have learned a ton and spent some quality time with my co-workers over the past two days. The longer I teach, the more I learn about teaching English, and it's really helping me to develop a sense for what I'm doing. I feel like a more competent teacher everyday!

I'm especially excited because our last day of school is on Tuesday! Yeah! So there are just 2.5 working days until I get some time off!

Other than that, it's just the same old, same old . . .Things are going well. Wesley is freaking out I think because my mom just drove up. I received a Christmas card today from Erica with pictures of her two cherubs -- Paige and Samantha -- on it. How cute!

Later!

Another Week in Pre-Christmas Idaho!

Hello all!

Christmas

Well, the Christmas shopping is pretty much done. I wasn't able to get the embroidery projects for my mom and grandma after all, since the ones they chose had been discontinued. So my mom chose and different pattern and my grandma said to just choose a different one for her. So, now, following are the ones I will embroider for Christmas. The first is for my mommy, and the second is for Grandma. (I will try to figure out how to do it in blue, since that's really what Grandma likes.)

Reception chez Wilhelm with the Intellectual Crew

Last night, Jeff Wilhelm (my professor) and his family had a little family concert and then a reception at their house. It was a bit uncomfortable for me, since all the guests were at least 15-30 years my senior and since they were all education folk, many with Ph.D.s, who were shining in their field, were well-published, and all of whom had long since mastered the art of teaching. There's a certain level of pleasant conversation required when you're hanging out with a bunch of academics. There's also a certain amount of friendly arrogance; They know they're good at what they do, and it's almost like they have a club mindset: bad/inadequate teachers not allowed. (In this case "inadequate" describes any teacher not using the inquiry approach.) As a second year with lots of insecurities, this group can be a little intimidating, but I did my best, and I don't think I stood out too much.

It was still nice to see Jeff, though, since it has been so long since I have seen him. He's a great storyteller, and, as part of the concert, he read a story called A Child's Christmas in Wales. He did a wonderful job, and the many voices he used to read the characters' speaking parts left me laughing the whole time. According to all I talked to about it, this story is an absolute classic. They were all really surprised I had never heard it before.

If you have any interest in reading it, I have found an on-line version. (Click the title above to go to it.) I think I will use it to practice my storytelling skills, since good storytelling can be powerful. It kept me listening intently for half-an-hour or forty-five minutes last night, and that's pretty good when I'm not decidedly interested going in!

Something Kind of Cool

Last week, I wrote out a little card to Aron Ralston asking for his e-mail address again. I then took it down the Idaho Youth Ranch to see if they would be so kind as to send it to him for me.

I received this little note from the lady at the Idaho Youth Ranch today. Cool, huh?

Elisabeth,

I mailed your card to Aron’s P.O. Box in Aspen, per his request.

I trust you will hear back from him.

I’m glad the event touched you on a number of levels.

Thank you for attending.

Best regards,

Roberta

School

Please don't mention school! This is the last full week my students will have before Christmas and I don't even want to anticipate the mood they will be in!

Other than that, everything is going well! My mom, my sister, and I went to see Harvey Korman and Tim Conway today. Tim Conway is so funny! He made me laugh a couple times. It was pretty much a good day!

Gotta go home and get some shut-eye!



Elisabeth

Why are you cast down, my soul?

It wasn't until Bibly Study after 9:00 mass this morning that I could fully appreciate how much meeting Aron Ralston hit me the other night. I think I had seen Aron as some kind of spiritual powerhouse: a Lazarus figure. I mean, there was NO WAY it was humanly possible that he could survive three days alone in the canyon let alone six, and to cut off your own hand and then have the werewithal to rappel 65 feet alone and walk for four hours . . .the story is beyond amazing.

So I suppose I had in my mind a picture of a man who was spiritually fulfilled. He had almost literally died and come back to life . . .I mean, past the point where any faint glimmer of hope was lost/ where he, himself, had fully expected to be dead. . .and he came back. I mean, I thought meeting him would be inspirational because of all the faith he would have. Or perhaps I thought there was really something amazing about him, like he was some superhuman, Odysseus character who just happened to be somehow superhumanly strong or clever and who just also happened to be the one who was stupid enough to get himself into the situation he had found himself in: the one man in a hundred who had the stuff that it took to get himself out. In other words, I gave him the credit for his survival as if God saves this level of mercy and grace for his special extra-strong, extra-faithful ones; the ones he's blessed with an extraordinary level of whatever thing it is that makes you extra-favored by God. (which naturally excludes me, in my mind, as I don't see myself as epic hero material.)

But the reality was very different, I think. He might be smart, and he might be resourceful, but the guy I heard speak was fully human, fully weak as the rest of us, and, perhaps, just as confused about why he is alive as any of us would be in his shoes. When I met him, I was struck, I think, with just how human he was. He was tired. He had self-doubts about the fact that he had had this vision of this little boy he would someday have and now -- after three years in the public eye -- no potential mother had made herself known. (He said something about how he was "still looking for the woman" to the woman in front of me as he signed her book. She had asked him about the vision of the little boy he had had his fifth night in the canyon; this vision had played a part in the fact that he had not ultimately given up.) I don't know why this struck me so much. . . wait, yes I do. It struck me that this very human guy -- about my age, skinny, tired, with doubt in his eyes -- would have been the one to receive this kind of heavenly miracle. There was nothing superhuman about him. Furthermore, I think I believed that after having experienced practically a literal resurrection, one would be some sort of spiritual powerhouse -- with the kind of faith crises I experience daily as some part of a distant past; as if this sort of experience would banish the struggles you would have with God and with your faith and it would be all smiles and being-born-again stories and evangelism from there on out. And it never occurred to me that someone like that would struggle with the exact same struggles I have in my faith everyday, and that he could have just as many doubts.

And is this fascination simply a cover-up for the fact that I heard him express his sadness over his lack of a mother for his son, and I have spent the last several years every bit as sad over my lack of a father for mine? I don't know.

But I think meeting such a starkly human Aron. A skinny lad with big circles under his tired eyes who had to hold the paper down with his claw so that he could struggle to sign his name with his left hand (he had always been right handed before) was humbling for me, because it showed me a glimpse of the kinds of things God can do, and it gave me a hint that if God cares that much about even a tired kid who has had to relearn how to write his name, then he might also care about a brand new single teacher with anxiety problems who can't seem to get her balance right.

So, for both Aron and me in our respective struggles, I would like to offer this psalm, which gives a voice to stuff I find hard to express and impossible to understand or solve on my own:

Why are you cast down, my soul?
Why are you disquiet within me?
Hope in God; I will praise him still.
My savior and my God..

from Psalm 42

Good news . . .and bad news

Happy Thursday, all!

The Evening

It's down around 8:30 pm and the mountain of grading has become more like a mole-hill. We're definitely going to have to go over adding a bit of extended definition again tomorrow in class. Besides that, everything is fine. Came home. Worked out.

It snowed and snowed a lovely blanket of white today in Boise! Walking to the gym trudging through the powder was kind of fun! On the way, I saw Rudy, the homeless guy I gave a coat to a while back in front of the apartment house. I ran into him yesterday, and he didn't seem to recognize me. He asked if I could spare some change, and I had none, so I told him so. He yelled something behind me about going home to my warm house. I saw him today too. To be honest, he kind of scares me. Most of the time I see him, he seems to be talking slowly, like he's drunk or on some kind of downer. So, today when I saw him, I tucked my head into my hood a little lower hoping he wouldn't recognize me. That's not particularly Christian, but how am I to respond? He knows where I live.

I need to go home and shovel the snow from teh sidewalk before I get ready to go to bed. Top of the evening to you all!

The Afternoon

This was one of those "I'm so tired and so frustrated and so insert growl here I want to cry" days

Indeed, it's been one of those weeks.

Moan #1: WhAT ON EARTH am I supposed to do with a 90-MINUTE STUDY SKILLS CLASS? They're antsy. They're disrespectful, and they seldom, if ever, have that much homework. People have told me, "IT's easy! You can do what you want! Teach them something fun!" But no one has ever mentioned any ways of teaching "fun" things, or targeting the skills these kids need, without offering me ideas that would take valuable time away from the other two brand new classes I'm planning and the "Oh, Elisabeth! This seems like your job: you do it!" mentality of the consulting work I've been doing lately! AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

That's mostly it. I'm just tired and I have a mountain of papers to correct, tomorrow to plan, and two meetings tomorrow that will keep me from being able to use my planning period to do that.

And that damn pushing nature is acting up again.

FUN STUFF

However, yesterday was fun!

Once again, I got to meet a famous person at the Egyptian Theatre (bringing to mind my Eric Idle evening three years ago.) Aron Ralston, the man who cut his own arm off in Utah three years ago to survive, came to the Egyptian Theatre last night to give a talk about his experiences, the proceeds going to the Idaho Youth Ranch. I have taught Aron's story twice to my classes, and so it was really fun to go meet the man I taught about to my kids. (I don't usually get to meet 'em cuz they're usually dead.)



But I got to meet him. How fun!

And he even gave me his e-mail address! That was cool!

But I lost it before I got home.

Oh Well!

Christmas Shopping Official!

Hooray! My grandmother has finally chosen the pattern she wants me to embroider for her so now my Christmas shopping scheme is official.

Here are the two I will be making. The first is for my mom, the second is for my grandma.






Kudos to Grandma on her excellent taste!

Unfortunately, the web site says that it could be THREE WEEKS before they come, which means there is no way I could have them done by Christmas. Even so, I'll do my best!

Elisabeth

Boys are so very dumb!

Hence my new slogan!

Elisabeth

Christmas Shopping Update

Halooo! So, Thanksgiving was really fun and so was hanging out with my uncle, my aunt, and my grandparents all day on Friday. I've been really focusing on getting Christmas completely planned out/as finished as possible this weekend. I spent a bunch of time xeroxing, cutting, writing cards, and applying stamps to envelopes. Now, I am proud to say, just about everyone on my list has a card on the way!

It has been important to me this year to make a Christmas present plan so that I don't buy as I go and end up spending waaaayyy more than I can afford, as is always a concern at Christmastime.

So, here's the holiday plan (since none of the following read this blog, I can publish this plan here)

Gifts:

Mom: A pretty wreath with pictures of her precious family members (found it at Kinkos) Kit is bought but I am waiting for her to choose pictures and get them to me.

Dad: Two new Sonicare electric toothbrush heads (bought today) and a bunch of high-quality socks that my sister and I will go in on together (Really! This is what he wants!)

Emily: A collage of pictures of the family. I hope to start going through the pics tonight after planning. I will have her choose a frame the day we go to find socks for Dad.

Wesley: A new retractable leash (because my mom and dad said they would take him on their hikes if he had a retractable leash), a new electric toothbrush, and some ear cleaner. (All bought today)

My grandmother: A napkin/placemat set that I will embroider as soon as she chooses it off the website and gets back to me.

Misty: a surfer talking "Squirt" doll. (She already has it)

My cousins: a coupon for one free evening of childcare. And for those with no children, gift certificates for gas or individualized inexpensive gifts.

Everyone else: Cards with pretty pictures of YOURS TRULY on them!

Embroidery: My mom looked on selmasyarns.com today and decided that she wants me to embroider her the following placemat/napkin set. I'm glad she chose it. I never would have picked that one for her, because I think it's hideous. Take a gander if you dare:

http://selmasyarns.com/page/SELMA/PROD/tdinner/t204537

I would also like to make her -- ultimately -- this quilt, sham, and pillowcase set. But that would be a VERY long term goal:

http://www.herrschners.com/products/product.aspx?sku=075065

Well, that's it! Gotta get to planning!

Elisabeth

Monday

"Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays!"

Not so much. Today was an okay day,actually. Neither of my lesson plans worked, but I revamped them after school so hopefully they will work better next time.

I'm just kind of sitting around work alone waiting for something exciting to happen. Somehow, I doubt it will. It's almost 5.

So, I think I'll go home. I have grading to do, but that can be done at home. A+!

Elisabeth

Sunday Night

Well!

Had I written earlier, you would have gotten my traditional earful of "Oh, I'm so panicked!" message. But, tonight is not so bad. It was pretty bad today, because there was so much that I couldn't figure out. So, I walked around downtown, worked out, got a little panicky, went to the library, worked on my Christmas cards . . .Now, I think everything is coming together. I printed some stuff and I have a little more clarity on how I'm going to teach the tenth grade unit, but not much. I guess that's good for one night. My colored load of clothes is in the dryer, my permanent press are in the washer, and things are pretty good.

Now I'm trying to find an envelope template that will fit the funky little Christmas cards I made because I think I would have to search to find pre-made ones that would fit.

Hmmm. Everything is fine! Thanksgiving is this week! Yahoo!

Wow. Not much to say. I guess I'll have to try again in a few days!

Elisabeth

Keep on Pushing, Liz

When I was a little kid, my parents tell me that they would come upon me crying my eyes out from time to time while holding something really heavy.

"What's wrong?" They would ask.
"It's too heavy!" I would ball.
"Then put it down, Silly."
"No!"

And I would cry and cry that whatever I was carrying was too heavy and never put it down. Nobody could help me because I refused to help myself.

I think those stories are akin to my lifelong tendency to take on problems in the same way over and over. The first time, it doesn't work out, so I set out to do it again, this time better, this time stronger. I resolve to push harder this time. Then my plans fail miserably once again, and on and on it goes. It hasn't escaped me that doing something the same way over and over expecting a different result is the definition of insanity.

When I first started teaching, Wilhelm used to refer to my "losing battles." I would start a unit that was destined for failure for one reason or another and then keep trying and keep pushing long after it was dead and needed to be discarded.

So, today I figured out that I need to discard the unit we've been donig in tenth grade. The text is simply too hard.

The same goes for other areas of my life, especially with my MFZ. I thought I was done ever treating men like anything other than friends. I thought I had them out of my system that way. I was sick of the roller coaster; sick of the crap. Then I turn around and find myself pushing just as hard as I was before and getting absolutely nowhere. Over time, I guess pushing and pushing has become a hard-to-break habit. More specifically, I tend to pursue men -- I mean, even if I just want to be friends -- far past the point where pursuance is wise or prudent or anything besides just downright annoying. My Aunt Becky once told me, "Honey. You obviously don't understand how men work. They like to be in control. They don't like to feel pursued." Fair enough, but I have to still be me. Still, there is no reason to continually put pressure on relationships that don't exist in the first place and I'm finding I still do that and I don't want to. So, God and I kind of made a deal . . . .or, should I say, I kind of made a deal with God. (I think he's copacetic): if I quit pushing and quit trying and quit fighting losing battles, then I will give to him what I'm fighting about and I want him to take care of it. We shouldn't tell God what to do, but it's more like I want to say, "Here, God. I'll let this go if you'll take care of it because it's really important to me. Please don't just file it under unimportant and never get around to taking care of it. Please take care of it for me because I'm really sick of it remaining unresolved in my life."

But that's the hamster wheel I'm running in. I don't like things unresolved but I don't often have a choice, so I just stay uncomfortable. I should just learn to live comfortably with ambiguity. Still working on that one.

Well, time to go. I've got a new 10th grade unit plan to get started.

Elisabeth

Sunday night

Hello, my friends,

How's it going? Everything here is going pretty well. It's been a pretty good weekend. Yesterday I spent getting treated by the wholistic lady, collecting leaves from the apartment house lawn and bagging them, walking Wesley, cleaning my bedroom, and making dinner. Alayna and I went out last night to the cafe' where I had some coffee and she had some dessert.

Today was the same old Sunday routine. Church this morning, then I cleaned out my car, went out to Meridian to get my stuff to prepare for tomorrow, dropped some books off at the library, then came home. I walked with Wesley to get a copy of the movie "The Odyssey" to preview it and see if I can show it to my kids. (There's more sex in that movie than plot. But some of that is true to the original. You can tell that a man wrote "The Odyssey." Would a woman ever put a married man in multiple situations where he has no choice but to sleep with beautiful goddesses and not be guilty of infidelity because he has no choice? I didn't think so.) I watched the whole, looooong movie and now I'm preparing an anticipation guide for the book tomorrow. As usual, I'm no farther ahead than I have been all year, but I worked pretty hard this weekend. I have to do stuff besides school, like clean up my apartment and take care of other things in my life. That's just reality, so getting ahead may not happen any time soon. Baby steps.

It was a good weekend. I realized last week that the jazz and poetry night on Friday wasn't on Friday. It's December 9th. :) Luckily, I asked my friend, Anne-Marie if she wanted to accompany me and she has accepted: at least until she cancels, which she does on occasion.

I'm supposed to eat raw until noon everyday this week. It's going well so far.

Besides that, spending time with Wesley was nice this weekend! What a cutie! I came out of the Co-op when I was buying organic food, and Wesley saw me and wagged and wagged, and put his paws up on my legs and looked at me intently like, "Mommy! You came back for me!" The lady who was trying to pet him at the time said, "Yes. We know who your mommy is." It was cute. Now he's curled up behind me on the floor, and Pepper is snoring in a nearby chair. It's pretty cute.

That's it. I gotta get my stuff together and get home so I can start preparing for the week! I've got the dishes to wash, lunch to make, the kitchen to clean up . . .
I'm swamped. :)

Good night!
Elisabeth

Things are looking up

Hello, all!

This was the day I have my ninth graders, so the day was pretty good. After school, I went to work out, then spent the rest of the evening standing in line waiting to vote, getting to the registration table, being told that my checkbook was not adequate proof of my new address, going home to get a utility bill, finding out that my checkbook is indeed adequate proof of my new address, and then standing in line again so I could show my checkbook to the same, confused lady who sent me home before. Finally, I got to stand in line waiting for a voting booth, and lo and behold, I finally got to vote. I thought of Sara when I stuck on the little "I voted" sticker since I remember what a kick she got out of getting to wear it. I must say, I don't experience the same rush of adrenaline. Even so, it made me smile to think of the personal party she had last time we three voted together.

I tried hard not to be mad at the poor volunteer who made an honest mistake and sent me home and then, as a result, caused me to have to stand in line again. We Americans have made inconvenience a cardinal sin. Inconvenience me, and I have a right to be rude to you: It's conventional wisdom. I notice a lot of that in me. I could see it in the face of the guy I rear ended yesterday. He was horrified that I wasn't more concerned about having damaged his car than I was about getting back to work. I'm sure I seemed like the incarnation of what's wrong with today's youth to him. But, honestly, I didn't really care about the scratch in his bumper nor about the plastic cover to my headlight that was lying in pieces on the ground. I just wanted to get back to school so I could get ready for tenth grade English. I'm trying to realize that inconvenience can often be a blessing, and that it's certainly no excuse to treat others poorly. That's one of my major oversights, though. I'm not very nice to people who inconvenience me when I'm in the middle of something or wanting to be somewhere. I'm trying to change it. So, I tried my best to be nice that lady tonight and, hopefully, I contained my consternation so it did minimal damage.

I'm just pooped. No more working tonight. I'll have to do it tomorrow during prep. I hate waiting that long but I'm feeling sleepy and content and I think sometimes you just have to go with it.

I had an interesting interaction with my student who is always misbehaving today.
For a while, my student had a habit of showing up in my classroom during his other classes. So, finally I e-mailed his teachers and asked them to please not let him leave their classrooms during class because there is no reason he should be in my classroom in the middle of his other classes. (He was leaving class A LOT) Well, Today I was previewing part of a video for tomorrow's 10th grade English, and in he comes with his classic:

"Hey, Ms. Skoro!"

"Hi. What are you doing?"

"I just came to get something out of my binder. Can I have a pop, Ms. Skoro?" (He keeps his binder in my room. I don't mind because it gives him a sense that somewhere he has a homebase)

"I don't have any."

"Come on. You are always bringing pop to school."

"I don't have any here right now."

"Oh. Okay" He sits down in a desk behind me.

"What are you doing?" I ask

"I'm going to watch the movie with you."

I pause the video.

"No. You need to get back to class."

"Oh. It's just art. We have a sub today and I said that I needed to get something from my binder."

"Okay. So you need to get it and go back to class."

"Oh."

He doesn't budge.

"You need to get it and go back to class."

"Okay." He gets up, opens his binder, gets it out.

"Bye, Ms. Skoro! See you tomorrow!"

"Bye"

He's sweet, and, yes charming. But he can wear on your nerves after a while.

The Boise State Writing Project is having a jazz and poetry night this Friday. I got a flyer for it in my box from one of the English teachers, and immediately I e-mailed Wilhelm since a) he's founder of the Boise State Writing Project, b) two of his favorite things are jazz and poetry, and c) his name was on the flyer. He said I was invited to the night. (I did get a flyer for it,after all.) and that I was equally invited to the party afterwards at one of the rooms in the sub. I'll check it out. Hopefully, I'll get to meet some people in the Boise State Writing project. Apparently, the application is process is pretty competitive and apparently, being Wilhelm's student really doesn't give me any kind of advantage, since he doesn't choose the participants any more. This might be a good way to not only find out more about it, but to meet some of the folks from it.

Do you know that Parrot Bay commercial? (Have you noticed that researching commercials is a weird, yet satisfying pastime of mine?) I'm talking about the one where the guy is standing in line somewhere, and ahead of him he sees a parrot on the back of someone's collar. He is suddenly transported to a Carribean night club where people are dancing and drinking Parrot Bay rum or whatever kind of alcohol it is. Well, I really like the song on that commercial. I did a little research and discovered that it's a song called "Bonnie and Clyde" by Destra Garcia. It's from some music genre called "Soca." (Never heard of Soca music.) It's a fun song. Here's a link if you're interested in checking it out:

http://www.trinijunglejuice.com/music_soca/2004/bonnie_clyde.ram

I also found the song from the Sheraton commercial. It's called "We Belong" by Pat Benatar.

I'm going now. I'm going to finish listening to "Bonnie and Clyde" once more time and then spend a little time with the fam before I go home and go to bed. :)

Elisabeth

What a day!

Hello, all!

Wow. What a day! I don't know what's been up lately, but it seems like my systems are breaking down. Why? I don't know. I'll explain how today went:


I got up this morning, went to work, and then headed over to the library to take some books back, check one out that I needed for today's "Learning Strategies" lesson plan, and pay $35 worth of library fines that I have accrued since the the beginning of the school year when I went on a "Aaack! How am I going to teach the Odyssey!" checking-out rampage and then didn't take very good care to keep track of the books I checked out.

So, on my way out of the parking lot, I accidentally ran into this guy's bumper. He was pulling out of his parking spot and I came around the corner too fast and ran into him. The plastic cover on the side of my headlight needs replacing now, and there's a hairline scratch on his bumper. He was very careful to take all my insurance information (in case his huge pickup has any internal damages from being tapped by my small sedan) and to mention that the paint on my car shows evidence of the time I accidentally scraped the side of a garage door when I was trying to enter the garage from a funny angle. Irritated as all get out, I just wanted to go back to work . . .a hairline scratch on his bumper is not something we need to discuss over coffee. Worse damage happens when someone parks too close to me and dings my door while getting out, but I don't make a federal case out of it. He pointed out that he could "buffer" out the scratch in his bumper. (Please! Why do they call it a "bumper" do you think?)

Anyway, as soon as the fellow in the pickup gave me leave -- and as soon as he had written down my name, my license plate number, my insurance provider, pointed out the error in my driving, inspected the hairline scratch in his bumper, and sweetly refreshed my memory about the paint on my car, I went back to work, my pride wounded and my already over-loaded and scattered brain ready to collapse. I got back to work, got to my classroom, and just started bawling, and it was really hard to stop. Even so, I pulled myself together and went to make copies, only to find that Monday is "Copy mom" day -- the day when all the organized people who can plan a week in advance get their copies made. So, I separated all the copies I had, being sure to give her individual instructions for each one. An hour later, I went back to find that none of the copies had been made, so we had to proceed with tenth grade English class without them. During tenth grade English, I realized I'm going to have to practically start over with the "personal narrative" because the kids are thoroughly confused. The rest of the day wasn't so bad, except for a certain student's behavior that I wont go into because that would turn this entry into a dissertation. The rest of the day wasnt' so bad. I just have to say, I'm wiped out. Completely wiped out. Exhausted. Emotionally and mentally drained. All I want to do is sleep, and cry, and curl up in a ball with the covers over my head.

A good thing that happened though. I e-mailed my liason from teh district, and she wrote back to say that she is really surprised that I didn't break down before this. (I have an especially tough job that is especially underhelped and underfunded) She said that she retaught things lots when she first started teaching, and that if I wanted to get together for coffee tomorrow night she would help me plan for tenth grade English. that was awesome. My mom was great too. I'm just so tired, and so freaked out right now. It's one of those times teachers remember always -- the doom days.

Right before I started teaching, I heard a story of a teacher who went through a divorce and got her first high school teaching job at the same time. Five different preps. Five! He said that she came home every night and cried for half-an-hour before she picked it up and started working again. This can't be nearly that bad, but that's akin to what I feel right now.

It also reminds me of the teacher I knewwho went through chemo and taught at the same time. HOW???? How can you have cancer and teach? That's amazing. I have no idea.

But Im going to go. I have to get ready for ninth grade English, and my ninth graders are my sweethearts.

:) Elisabeth

Sunday Afternoon

Hello!

Thanks for the feedback, Sara. I don't know what was wrong with me yesterday. I was really down . . .hormones? PMS? Fatigue? I think it could be a mix of all of it. I'm still fighting depression some today, but I'm working on it.

I'm actually pretty much squared away for tomorrow at school. Some of the stuff I need is actually at school. Some is at my apartment, some is at the public library. I'm at my parents' house right now doing three loads of laundry and baby-sitting the turkey, which is baking. When my parents get home (or when the turkey finishes cooking, whichever comes first), I'll be able to go to my apartment and to the library.

Wilhelm told our class once that the hardest times of the year for teachers are the end of October/beginning of November and the end of March/beginning of April. I've notcied that lately: I've just been down. I must just be tired.

The wholistic lady told me to start taking a supplement called Chlorella to replenish some of the nutrients from veggies that get depleted in the stress of my day and in my aversion to eating the veggies in my frig before they go bad. Today after mass I went to the Co-op and bought the kind she recommended. Awf! A 20 day supply for 25 bucks. I'm starting with a low dose. The stuff I bought is supposed to be for my parents and I, but if we do that, it'll be gone in a week. We'll have to figure something out because I'm definitely going to take it.

It was so weird yesterday when the lady was working on me. I could barely feel her fingertips on the back of my neck, but I could feel weird things in my body. Like, I felt something like a wave coming up my spine on the left side, swelling at the base of my brain, and then going back down, just like a wave on the ocean crashes on the seashore and then subsides. She said that that was the fluids going up my spinal cord, but that my right side was so locked there was no way I was going to feel it on that side. Weird. But I don't think what she is doing can possibly hurt, so we'll see how it goes.

What else to say? There isn't much really. Just waiting for my laundry to finish, for the turkey timer to go off, and stuff.


I saw the movie "Troy" last week. Someone pointed out -- rightly -- that that movie serves no function other than to allow the viewer to see a) fighting, and b) Brad Pitt's body. I guess he's right. The point of that movie, I think, is to admire what Brad Pitt's arms, chest, and legs can look like after -- get this -- 6 months to a year (I couldn't find a straight answer on which amount of time was accurate) of spending 3 hours every day in the gym and eating a strict high-protein, low-carb diet, cutting out beer, cigarretes, and everything else he liked to snack on.

Who on earth is going to follow that kind of regimen? You would either have to be a) preparing to play an epic hero in a movie and getting paid dearly for it, b) incredibly arrogant, c) truly in need of some other hobby, some friends, or -- maybe -- a job to take up more of your time ,or d)all of the above. It's false advertising. Distorted beauty, just like that video on Shawn and Sara's blog showed.

Speaking of which . . .my pants are looser. Nice, huh?

I'm gonna go and type up my agenda for classes tomorrow. Laters!

The Beginning of a Better Evening

Hello all!

Well, it's Saturday. It's supposed to be a day of rest. And, I hate to say it, but it's been a weird day.

I woke up this morning and headed off to the Y, where I joined a bunch of older ladies (including my ninth grade History teacher) in a Corepowerclass. It was mostly stretching and weight lifting. I then came home, took a shower, and my mom and I went out to see this wholistic specialist who's helping my uncle with his cancer problems. It was nice, and the whole evaluation took about two hours. I left feeling pretty good about the whole thing.

Mom and I came home and I ate lunch. Then got Wesley ready and walked to my apartment. I got out the rake, raked up a bunch of wet leaves and, as I was standing there, a homeless, drunk guy named Rudy stopped and ask if I needed help. That was really nice, but I was a bit creeped out. He asked if I had an extra sweatshirt because he was cold, and I gave him my old coat. It fit him well, so I was glad about that, but he didn't really want to leave. That kind of scared me, so I got into my car and came here. Now I'm sitting browsing stuff on the internet. Why am I not having valuable personal time, you ask? Well, mostly because I know I should be working, I should have finished picking up all the leaves, I should have walked Wesley farther, I should have gotten my apartment clean. I should have, I should have, I should have . . .

But this is just a self-destructive state of mind, and I'm not sure why I'm posting about it. :)

Last night was fun. I invited Ryan to come to dinner with me at "Trailer Park Cuisine," and we got together and just kind of had a good conversation. After dinner, I went home, watched a movie, washed dishes and then . . .Misty called! It was so cool. We talked for a bit and then I went off to bed.

More later! There's not really much worth blogging at this particular moment. :)

Argh! Grumpy Day!

I think the problem is that it's Tuesday and I'm still at school. I have some very difficult 10th grade students and I am still frustrated from the day. I'll go home and write more so I'm not so grumpy. :)

Elisabeth

There's something about Germans . . .

Hey!

It's Sunday around noon. I'm still at church, waiting for my mom to finish up so we can have some lunch.

There's a new German couple at Church, Petra and Hubert. They're so cool! I don't know what it is about Germans, but I'm finding the same thing with them as I did when I met Markus; we just really hit it off. We have great conversations, they're very friendly, very open, very positive people. I don't have to dance around what I'm trying to say or act like someone I'm not. Is this the way many Germans are? Or has Germany simply given up three of its finest by letting the German friends I've made come to the states? I don't know, but it makes me want to go to Germany! I'm afraid I'd be disappointed once I got there, though.

Today is an especially tense day for some reason. I guess I realize how much work ahs to be done for school and I also know that I won't have time to get it all done. Tonight, Miss Sara will be having a little get together at Moxie Java to see everyone . . .since she's only in town for the weekend. I'll be taking a camera if I can, so there will be pictures to peruse later on.

It's time to go to lunch!
Elisabeth

Entering the MFZ!

Thanks for that phrase, Sara! I like it.

For those of you who don't know what an MFZ is, I'll just say it's like the DMZ, only with fewer guns. And it's not totally man-free, just mostly. At least my emotional "inner sanctum" as Connally Gilliam calls it, is man-free, and so it will stay.

But men are welcome other than that.

Well, it is, once again, Sunday. The day of crazy planning and hoping I can get everything done before tomorrow! I have reached the point where I'm scouring readwritethink.org for ideas and lesson plans. I found a great PP presentation on the elements of plot, but I'm thinking about it other than that.

My Life Make Over
My changes for me.

Last night over breadsticks, olive oil, caesar salad, and chocolate cheesecake, (I was eating and Theresa wasn't. She never eats in public.) Theresa and I sat at the Olive Garden and created a whole eating and exercise plan for me. She has become my new skin and exercise consultant, and my diet ideas generator. Theresa is a purist, and would have me eating nothing but fruit and vegetables for the first three weeks if I would submit to a diet that strict. But I know my limits, and a diet that strict goes beyond my boundaries. Here's how last night went:

Theresa: (writing furiously on a sheet of paper) You're going to have to give up bread

Me: (eating a breadstick) okay

Theresa: And no more oatmeal.

Me: No more oatmeal?! But I eat oatmeal everyday!

Theresa: Yeah, but it's heavy and you need to give up heavy foods for a while.

Me: Okay. What should I have for breakfast then?

Theresa: Fruit.

Me: Just fruit??

Theresa: Yeah. And maybe some lowfat yogurt.

Me: Aack. Okay. Whatever.

Theresa: And I've been thinking about your ice cream habit. You have to give up ice cream.

Me: (eating chocolate cheesecake now) and chocolate?

Theresa: Yeah. I'll try to think of what you should eat instead. You're going to have to mostly cut out cheese.

Me: Cheese? But I love my cheese. It makes my sandwiches taste good!

Theresa: I know. But it's full of fat. And you have to drink 40-60 ounces of water everyday. . .

Theresa and I then went to the mall, and I broke down and bought the Proactiv three-step system, holding my nose as I handed over the 50 bucks. That stuff better be darn effective for that kind of money! But I've heard great reports, so I'm hopeful.

But I'm following it to the letter, and my nails are still growing . . .we'll see what happens!

I've got to get back to planning. bye!

Friday Night at Work

Hello, My Peeps!

It's Friday evening at 6. I'm still at work. It's been a good week. Lots of good work stuff has happened, convincing me that I am slowly getting the hang of this job. (Yea!) Things can only get better from here!

Everything else is going well too. I have decided that I need to have the option of wearing a bikini next summer, so I've been working out and watching my food intake more, and that is going well.

A lot of what inspired me was receiving the Dateline special on Aron Ralston this week in the mail. (The hiker who cut off his arm.) I suppose I didn't really realize how amazing his story was. But, after watching it, it really struck me how the world is: You can be beyond the depths of despair -- I mean, wayyy past the point where there was any glimmer of hope -- all can be lost, and still there is hope. Aron was more than ready to die after six days in the desert with little food and water when just a little change of perspective showed him the way to save himself. His story is really amazing. It's extremely inspiring. It shows that maybe miracles aren't so momentous after all -- they happen all the time.

I've also decided to stop biting my nails. It's weird to see the little bit of white peeping out on the tops of them. That's going well too. I think growing up has helped a lot. There's a lot of stuff I can do now that I was never able to do before, just by deciding to make some simple changes.

And it has been pleasant to finally decide (at least for the moment) that boys and friends (both boyfriends and girlfriends) don't merit the amount of effort I've been putting forth on them. (No offense, anyone. It's an important realization to make because there are more important things than you that need my attention right now.) It's just so nice . . .because, suddenly, it's okay to be alone on Friday night . . .to go to bed at 9 on the weekend. Lately, no one has been around and, y'know what?, That's totally fine! I'm going to take myself out to dinner at my favorite little restaurant tonight and then, we'll see, you never know what crazy thing I'll do. I've even been thinking about organizing my sock drawer because it's been driving me crazy. And, yeah, that sounds pleasant!

I have decided that I'm going to go visit Misty during Spring Break, speaking of friends. While I don't mind spending more time alone, it doesn't mean I don't like people and that I don't care whether they come or go. Thinking about Spring Break makes me miss her less, because, yeah, I really miss her.

So . . .that's about it. I'm awfully hungry. I'm going to head home and treat myself to a burrito.

I'll see you next weekend, Sara! Love you guys!

Elisabeth

Uh Oh, Bad Momma!

I have been looking at posts and internet sources and I have discovered that I am undoubtedly not walking Wesley near often enough. I guess the frequency of our walks would make some dog owners chew me out. This, and I am the dog owner who buys expensive arthritis food, gives him meds everyday, takes care of his ear that would otherwise be chronically infected, brushes his teeth with an electric toothbrush, and lets him run around the yard all day. I guess he still needs to be walked for about an hour everyday! Incredible! I had no idea. So, Wesley will be doing a little walking this evening, and tomorrow evening,etc.

Poor kid. And I thought he was so well-treated! O well. A walk wouldn't do me any harm,either.

It's been a good day, but I have more work to do!

More later!
Elisabeth

Sunday Jitterzzz

Hello, my loyal and devoted fan!

I love the Sonic commercial where the husband says he ought to write about Sonic on his blog because his "fans would be interested"

His wife points out that the only one who reads his blog is his mother.

"She promised to tell her neighbor about it!" He says.

So, those who do [or don't] read my blog, this is for you!

I have been feverishly planning for the last two or three hours, having faced some major planner's block -- I think in part due to the extra stress of shifting gears back to school after a vacation.

And my sweet Misty is leaving! That adds extra urgency to the situation.

So, I have very little to say except that I feel stressed, and I just had to type up a whole article about Aron Ralston and his six days pinned alone in a Utah Canyon(until he cut his hand off and got out alive.) I hate reading stuff like that because I kind of feel like I'm there with him. It's kinda traumatic.

He's a cutie, though!

HOUSE BUYING

Ryan, I think you were right. Severe saving and giving up stuff like coffee and library fines will undoubtedly help me get a decent house sooner!

:) Gotta go. In intense, stressful, planning time!
Elisabeth

Sunday Update

Hello all!

Sunday evening and feeling good!

I've been thinking hard the last few days. New thoughts. Nourishing thoughts. Realizing that I need to nurture some new perspectives and this realization has eased some of the mental and emotional weight I habitually carry around.

Issue One: What's it all about, anyway?
Sub-issue: God, Me, my dreams and goals, and God's work in my life.

I certainly haven't got this one figured out. Nor will I go into great detail about what I've been thinking about it. I will say, though, that God has been steadfastly and unmovingly teaching me the following two things.

1) He will come first. He's adamant about this one. I can complain and cry and throw up all the distractions at once, but He doesn't budge. I think the Bible's right when it says that God is jealous. He wants to be first, and He'll wait patiently until I can get it through my head that He needs to be first in my life. I think I have to understand that and live it before I can take on any other relationships that could (and would at this point)come before Him. I can't say I've got everything figured out, but that's where I think I'm supposed to go. It's tough to accept the blessings offered instead of trying to create my own, but the more I remind myself that God knows what my life would be like in the best of all possible worlds -- and that he wants that for me -- it gets easier. God knows what is best for me, and He provides me with what I need. In Mother Theresa's words -- words that I always try to remember -- "How much more the Heavenly Father knows!"

2) The hard part of this is realizing that His will for me may not be the will I have for myself. Whoa, that one is tough. I have all these fears . . .What if this happens? and What if I never accomplish this and this? I'm scared the end of my life will find me as a lonely old cat lady in a big, empty house. I don't want that. But that's where taking it a day at a time comes in, and that seems to allay major What if stresses.

Issue Two: Lesson Planning

I have decided to dispose of the unit topic I was teaching in the ninth grade class because I didn't have any materials for it and it was boring . . .to me too. So, I sat down this weekend and started a whole new unit topic. I decided on my conceptual and procedural goals, made my materials list, and I've been screaming along ever since. I've got Monday and Wednesday pretty much planned, but there's still more work to do. Feeling great about the progress I've made though. :)I'm hoping to do something similar for tenth grade. My only fear is that the reality of teaching school will up my stress level enough that it will knock my intellectual functioning closer to the brainstem. Then I can't think abstractly as well . . .I read about that in Fred Jones and I think it explains why it's so hard for me to plan lessons at the end of the school day: I'm stressed, exhausted, and I've had it up to here.

Issue Three: Finances

Many know how concerned about money I've been lately. But I realized this weekend that I'm at the bottom of the barrel right now and I'm starting on the up-swing. Things can only get better for me financially. Here's why:

A) I'm at the bottom of the payscale. I make least amount that any teacher can in the Meridian schools. This won't last . . though, granted, it won't change soon either. I still have at least a year and a half to put in before I'm eligible for a raise.

B) I've just paid off some debts, so my disposable income is really limited at this particular moment. That makes me feel financially strained and I think that has added to my financial squirming.

C) I've gotten a raise this year and I actually have some disposable income now but that fact hasn't registered yet since I paid off some debts and haven't seen any of that money go into my savings or checking accounts yet.

C) Things aren't so bad. My debt is low. There's some money in savings, and it can only get better. I just need to wait it out and let things improve gradually, as they will clearly do from now on.

The only depressing thing? I went through my usual round of looking at housing prices today. . .It's a cycle: I start out idealistically looking at listings on realtor websites, swing around the mortgage calculator and check how much mortgage would be, then, when I see those results, I go check the "How much can I afford?" calculator, get frustrated and give the whole thing up until I forget how frustrating it was, get curious, and start checking listings again. My buying power today? $85,000. Ha! But, it could be worse. Eventually, I may find another single adult who wants to buy together or my sister might stop telling me where to go every time I bring it up, or some other weird option my present itself. Things can only get better from here. So, in the meantime, I'll wait and save and be happy in my lovely apartment with hardwood floors. :)

Wesley got blessed today for the Feast of St. Francis. We got there just before the blessing part of the ceremony because Wesley decided to jump out of the car and take a gleeful jaunt around the neighborhood with me driving right behind. What a turd! At least he's good and blessed now, but I don't think it will affect his will to be free to sniff new places.

:) He's up surveying his backyard kingdom now, and making sure it doesn't get ransacked by squirrels looking for a good time.

Back to work!
Elisabeth

Some pictures for your viewing enjoyment

I finally got some pictures to scatter through this blog. Enjoy!

Included in this post are the best pictures I have that don't really belong anywhere. The first is my sister and my mom on my uncle's boat on the lake in Cascade when we went to visit my grandparents.



The rest are pictures of Wesley that I took for his doggy book.

Alive!

I definitely think that Tuesday is the least interesting day of the week. There's not much you can say about Tuesday.

I spent several non-teaching hours today reading the book Alive! because I'm going to have to teach it to my tenth graders soon. Wow. What a story. I read and read and read and only managed to get through half of it. For those of you who need their memories refreshed, this book is a true story about the Uraguayan rugby team who crashed in the Andes mountains and stayed in the ice and snow and 30 below temperatures for 70 days before two of them managed to hike out and get help. I could hardly handle only getting through 200 pages of the book today, because I felt like I was abandoning them if I stopped reading when they were still stranded on the mountain! But you can only read about death, and despair, and people eating dead bodies to survive for so long before you start to get sick to your stomach. Of the original 45, only 16 remained at the end of the story, all of those suffering from severe malnutrition, despair, and trauma. It's a pretty tough book to read.


I think the character that touched me the most was Liliana Methol. She was one of the last 10 to die, accidentally getting suffocated in the avalanche that killed 8 people and filled the wreck with snow. She was an especially touching figure first because she was the only woman who survived the first night, and second, because she spent her time and energy comforting the other survivors and comforting her husband, Javier, who survived the entire ordeal. The saddest thing is that she had four children, all of whom were without a mother after this.

If you want to know more about any of this, or if you want to see the origin of that picture of Liliana that I pirated, see http://www.viven.com.uy/571/eng/Default.asp

For some reason, reading this book made me want to make sure that I fulfilled all of my responsibilities. So, after working out, I rushed to my parents' to attend to the dog: making sure his teeth were brushed, loose hair was brushed out of his fur, his meds were dispensed, and his infected ear was tended to. I don't know why I felt that way. I guess learning about tragedy can have a weird effect.

I lifted weights tonight (man, do I need to work up again!) and so I'm exhausted. It's time to go home and take a shower. If you're not thoroughly bored yet, wait till you read what I will write tomorrow!

E

One more weekend post

It's about 8:30. I'm hanging out at my parents' while they spend the night elsewhere. They're on some kind of Church duty.

I stayed up late last night because of the party and then didn't sleep well so I was exhausted today. As a result, I really didn't get much planning done. It's okay. I have two periods tomorrow plus I pretty much know what we're going to do.

I think I have been watching too much of the TLC Channel. While working out last week, I saw a documentary on Juliana Wetmore, a Jacksonville, Florida 3-year-0ld who was born missing 30-40% of the bones in her face. She has had twenty-some surgeries, I think, to date and she needs several more. Nothing in her body is damaged except her face (i.e., her brain is that of a normal 3-year-old as is the rest of her body) She's going to face some incredible challenges in her life, and the documentary really touched me. It also reminded me of the websites and i-movies I saw about Jacqui Saburido, the gorgeous teenager whose car was hit by a drunk driver. Her body burned completely all the way to her feet before they managed to get her out of the car. As a result, she doesn't have much of a nose anymore, no ears, no fingers, no eyelashes, no left eyelid,. . .she doesn't look like the gorgeous young girl she used to. I read somewhere that her friends keep asking the question, "Who will ever love her now?"

Here are some links in case you are curious about what I am talking about:

Here's a link to a website about Juliana
Here's a link to a website about Jacqui

I think that's always a hang-up I've had. I grew up chubby, and I was always teased for my weight as a kid. That really affected me and, though I seldom ever admitted it to others, in the back of my mind I have always meant to be sure that my children didn't have the same problem. This mostly meant that the choice of whose DNA mingled with mine has always been really important to me, partially for that reason. On the one hand, I have to admit that I really don't want anyone I can influence to go through the kind of heckling I did. I don't admit that bias to people, though, because inside I know it's wrong. The pressure to be pretty is a totally unfair one to be putting on your children. My children will have to go through what they go through, and I won't be able to protect them from everything. I shouldn't if that protection involves not allowing them to be themselves or imposing my own preconceived notions of who they should be onto them. I worry I'm going to do that someday.

But documentaries like the one about Juliana and the story of Jacqui Saburido are real wake up calls for me. These girls are innocent people, and what has happened to them is not their fault. It just goes to show that -- regardless of the sorts of BS lies our culture tells us about what is really important about us-- beauty is only skin deep, and we need to see it for what it is . . . nothing. That's pretty unsettling for me, because it certainly hasn't seemed like nothing in my life, and a lot of my inner structures are based on an understanding of myself that sees it as pretty important. That should come as a surprise to some people I think, since I'm hardly a "girly girl."

On to lighter topics. Today I did a crossword, ran a bunch of errands, gave the dog a bath, went to church, and watched TV. Now I'm just hanging out until bed time, which is coming upon us very quickly.

I shall leave for the evening. Have a good night!

Elisabeth

The Murder Mystery Hoochtacular!

Hello, all!

Well, last night was the night! I had my murder mystery dinner, and was it fun! Emily, Renee, Tony, Clare, Anne-Marie, Aidan, Becky, Joe, Misty, Jennifer, and Nathan all came over and we played Gangster! The apartment looked great and I decorated the bathroom with ladies' lingerie that I bought at the Idaho Youth Ranch, a little I had, and some I borrowed from a friend.
The guests brought the food and there was plenty of it! We ate hors d'oeuvres then had the first round of the dinner. The first round took forever as it usually does. After dinner, we finished the second and third rounds, had dessert, and then finished up for good around midnight. This time Aidan was the murderer! And we all actually accused the right person! That's a first for my murder mystery dinners.

My sister came and, I have to tell you, Emily has the world's best belly laugh. As a little kid Emily laughed hard all the time, and it was a heavy, sincere laugh -- the kind of belly laugh that grabs you from your toes, sits heavy in your stomach, and just bubbles up from there. I haven't heard it for years. Last night, though, Emily's belly laugh was back! It wasn't quite as intense as when she was little but there it was! That's so cool! I thought she had lost it.



I took pictures too! I actually have quite a few pictures to post here but my parents lost their cord to upload the pictures at home so my dad has to do it from work. I'm going to wait until I go to Meridian High's Homecoming game this Friday (I want to take pictures there too) and then have my dad make a CD for me with the pictures on it. I should be able to post them sometime next weekend.

I got paid yesterday and I was thrilled when I found out the amount they had put into my account! Considering the raise I got when Meridian hired me, though, one would think that I would only get about $100 more take-home every month. As it turns out it's more like $300! That's incredible! So, first, I need to check with the district and make sure that they didn't mess up my tax information because I don't want to owe taxes when the time comes. Then I'll have a personal party if they didn't.

But, even so, I used the surplus money this month to pay off my credit card. I just wanted the whole debt gone. This is going to be a very skinny month since the payoff amount cut into what I would normally use to live on. I think I can do it . . .I think I can, I think I can . . .

Then, next month will be SO COOL because I'll have all that money left over. What will I do with it? Well, I think I'll put $200 or so into savings, $50 into my furniture fund, and $250 towards my loan as an extra payment? That would be cool. I have a whole month before then. I'll just have to see.

Pictures soon . . .I promise! (Probably next Saturday)

Do any of you remember the Progressive commercial where the woman rejects her boyfriend because of his website? As I peruse my blog, I have a similar image floating through my head. I am at a cafe', sitting at a small, round table with some unnamed male (the only thing I can tell about him is that he's not an old guy), and he gives me a look that says I'm about to drop a bomb on your head so you better brace yourself. This is gonna hurt.

He says, "I don't think we should go out anymore."
And I say, "Why?"
And He says, "It's your blog. I need more pictures than that."

Then the scene cuts to the Starbucks Frappucino commercial where that band is singing "Eye of the Tiger" to that guy named Glenn as he gets ready for work. I'll include a link to that commercial if I can find it. It used to crack me up.


Starbucks Commercial Link

Well, nevertheless . . .Due to an unfortunate mishap where I ended up taking my car to the mechanic when all it needed was a new battery, (Argh! Two other guys had looked at it and said that the battery was fine!) I now have 2-3 months worth of credit card bill to pay off before I could buy/save for a digital camera and before I can start redecorating! But, never fear! After watching a good amount of HGTV this weekend, I have decided that before I go spend my hard-earned cash on solid wood furniture or on electronics, I really ought to know what will look good in my apartment. So, I have decided to spend my free time studying a bit of interior design. My living room is not only antique-looking but it's really small, so it will probably need some fancy work to really get it looking good! The delay in buying power will be well-used. It will actually end up benefitting me in the end.

Well, it's late. Planning is mostly done, but I have yet to put gas in my car and get lunches ready for this week.

I'll take some pictures of my living room tonight and post them. :)

Join the Miss Teacher of the Year Pageant!

Hello, all!

This morning was hilarious. I had a school meeting this morning, and at a little teacher's breakfast afterwards, the ELL teacher who was sitting next to me told me that he won't have to go to school tomorrow because he is teacher of the year at his school. Now, I don't know where I got this idea but, for some reason, I have recently had the impression that the Teacher of the Year contest was some kind of pageant, where you express interest and then compete against other teachers for the title. So, when he said that he got tomorrow off, It naturally occurred to me to ask at which point in the competition they were: had he actually won or was tomorrow some kind of teacher swimsuit competition or something as part of the big contest? So, the question came out thus:

"Did you actually get voted Teacher Of The Year or did you just nominate yourself?"

I felt a sharp decrease in the filial goodwill coming from my left side after that.

So, after I had discretely excused myself from the breakfast I spent the next hour cracking up. In my car, back at school, in my classroom. Man, was I loopy! And it was so funny!

Then I taught my classes. That wasn't so funny! O, there is so much work to do! English is going very well -- with a lot of maintenance effort and time -- and Learning Strategies -- Ha! Wouldn't it be nice if that went well too!

So, school has recently ended and I'm not sure what to do: Work or pack it up and go home to work . . .but what if I forget something at school? That wouldn't be good.

But I had better skedaddle lest the loopiness come back!

What a helluva day!

Or should I say HELL of a day. It was terrible day at school, thanks to the sweet kids in my eighth period who have attention-getting behaviors, serious mouth-control problems, and no reason to be in a Learning Strategies class they didn't sign up for. I can't entirely blame them. I would much rather have the time off too. But we don't always get what we want.

So, I'm all jitters. I came home and ate the rest of the low carb ice cream stuff and one of the remaining pieces of my royale cake. Now I have to go work out and work it off.

Wesley and I played for a bit too, which helped.

Now I'm looking stuff up on the ISAT to help me teach my learning strategies class. I'll write again later (hopefully) with more to say.

Takin' a Break

Hello!

Just taking a break from lesson planning for a moment to write one more entry!

Notice on the "links" bar I have added two links. The first one is a link to Wesley's dogster webpage which desperately needs to be updated. The third one is a link to Ryan Fisher's site since he just told me about it last week.

Wesley is so cute! When I am typing, he comes downstairs and curls up in a little ball with his head touching his tail. He's like a little Wesley doughnut, and I can come over to him and fit my arms all the way around his sleepy little body and give him a big hug. He just lies there grumbling and enjoying the attention and extra warmth.

I am posting two non-helpful links in this blog entry. The first is the Montego Sofa from Pottery Barn. Buying a new futon mattress has turned my mind toward the day when I will purchase a whole new couch. This is something like one I dream about. (Honestly, though, I think when it comes down to it, I'll want one that's a bit comfier. This one just looks so cool!) This is similar to one I would like except that mine would have to have a back cushion, something for the arms, and none of that wicker crap on it. (I hate wicker unless it's purely an accent piece.)

http://ww2.potterybarn.com/cat/pip.cfm?src=schi1%7Cp1%7CwMontego%5CsSofa&pkey=sa1s00montego%2Csofa&gids=p5584

This one is better in some ways (i.e. there's actually a cushion for the back and I like the color more) except I don't like the arms as much. And it still has that wicker stuff all over it.

http://ww2.potterybarn.com/cat/pip.cfm?src=shpcfuruphnfw%7Crshop%2Fpipcfuruphnfw%7Cgp5584%7Ck%7Cs&pkey=cfuruphnfw&gids=p6076

Well, time to get back to planning.

Weddings, Theft, and A New Futon Mattress

Hello, all!

It's been a very interesting weekend so far! Last night (Friday), I went to our high school football game. We kicked Eagle High's fanny all the way to the endzone. The final score was 51 to 0! It was a lot of fun, but, as the teacher who shares my portable said, it would have been more fun, "if the other team would play." We had a great time. We, the teachers, sat in a section just full of fans wearing their blue and gold. They ran from just little kids all the way up to full-fledged adults. It was pretty fun!

Then today a ton of stuff happened.

a) My car wouldn't start after having the air running for 5 minutes without the motor on. I thought it was my battery, but, alas, it may very well be my starter! We'll have to see what the final bill is

b) My mother made me throw out my futon mattress because it stinks of cat pee. (Yes. All that enzyme stuff hardly budged the scent.) So, my parents bought a new one when I wasn't looking and put it on my futon! Wow! Ummmm. I feel really bad but it was really nice of them. The new one isn't nearly as comfortable as the old, but it doesn't smell either, so that's nice! Now I have to get rid of the recliner for the same reason. Damn cat! He needs to be able to go outside, because I guess a litter box just doesn't cut it for him. That's why he's living back at my parents' house now.



c) I went to Kelly Lewis' wedding. I had been thinking about making sure I got my parents' digital camera for it, but I forgot completely after my car died! It was like a mini high school reunion. I guess Kelly has kept a lot of the same friends for the last ten years. It was a very grand affair. They filled the whole cathedral with guests, had a reception at a nursery, had a dance floor, a large, catered meal . . .Christine and her family were there too. (Christine has been living far away since college.) It was fun to see her.

If I ever get married, I hope my wedding won't be quite so grandiose. I would want something more intimate and less, ummmmm, I don't know. . . paid for, I guess. More homespun.

But it was fun, and guests enjoyed the free pop, water, and wine!

And what's worse was that the gifts my folks and I bought for Kelly and Young were stolen out of my parents' car right before we went to the reception! Crazy.

I so wish I had pictures to share. Maybe in a few weeks I can get in touch with Kelly and have her e-mail a couple, and I'll post a link to info about the football game when the news is updated!

E

I've just been 28 for a day and I'm tired already!

Well, not even that. More like 16 hours. We had a fabulous party last night planned for me by Theresa and Nathan. It was great. First, Nathan picked me up and we went to dinner at Cazba. Alanna, Ryan Fisher, Erica, my sister, and Misty joined us. I got some great presents. Some hair products from Erica, a $20 gift certificate to Office Depot from Alanna, a gift certificate to the Spa from Ryan. Dinner was fun.




Then we took off to the Cafe' de Paris, where we were met by Joe Wilsey, Becky, Theresa, Courtney, a little styrofoam cup from Chris Garcia that had "Happy Birthday, Elisabeth" written on it, and an entire cake made out of my favorite treat from le Cafe', le Royale (YUMMMMMMM). It's made of chocolate mousse and this stuff called feuilletine that tastes like the chocolates I bought in Salzburg when Jennifer and I were traveling around Europe in 99. I've got to go back to Europe sometime!

A ton of other folks showed, including Fairy, my parents, both Teruel-Mathieus and some other folks from Church. I got home late, stayed up later, and now I'm so exhausted I'm not sure which direction to go . . .stay here at school and work, or go home and sleep. I think the pressing work will ultimately win out.

Ryan sent me pictures he took today. Thanks, Ryan! Here they are.

I have a hellific eighth period class. I mean it. I have two kids who have serious attention-getting behaviors and I have no idea what to do about it. I can't reward them by putting them outside the portable and allowing them to go wandering around the campus . . .sending them to the office makes me look incompetent . . .What to do? I can't sweep them up into my fantastic teaching strategies because the stupid class is a "learning strategies" course. What's a girl to do? WWSD?

Right after school I would have cried, but I have settled for sitting here typing my woes onto my blog while I swig Diet Pepsi Vanilla. Which of the two did the trick? I think it's the typing, but Bob Dole would swear it was his "little blue friend" who made me feel better, the ice cold Pepsi-Cola. (Say it with a Bush accent and it's funnier.)

Well, I'm almost ready to start grading papers and to get my unit plan into shape. These aren't bad kids, and I don't blame them for being resistant. I can't give them a good reason that they're in my study hall except that their ISAT scores were low. This class is supposed to give them a leg up so they can pass other classes, but how can I help kids pass classes who don't want to pass? I'm working on unit plans/lesson plans but I can only do so much in one week. (I at least have read our major text, though!)

I have hardly ever been so flattered in all my days. That party was awesome. I think so many people came because Theresa planned it and everyone likes to be in on a surprise, especially when there's free cake involved! It was awesome. A very memorable birthday!

Oh. By the way, Misty is moving too. To San Francisco to be with Tim. She's moving at the end of the month. Didn't I tell you? If I truly find a connection with someone like I did with Sara and Shawn (both individually. How rare is that?) and with Misty. . .(The loveable subject of my favorite "crazy neighbor" stories. She's such a hoot!) they move. It just has to be. Maybe it's a sign. Maybe God is populating the states with my favorite people just so I'll get the lead out of my rear end and move somewhere. After today's eighth period, I would move just about anywhere to get away from my two loveable hellions!

They're good kids. I just have to believe that.

What else to say? Nothing. Except this job is stretching me like taffy on some of kind of torcher rack. I'm stretching, but it hurts, and it takes a lot of energy and time and frustration and saying to yourself, "Yeah. That wasn't so good. But I'm working on it." when that situation you never anticipated comes up and you don't handle it the way a truly smooth professional would. I just find myself hoping that I'll be a smooth professional next year.

Another really great analogy for how I feel about this job is . . .y'know when you're on the workout machine and you've hit the really high level and you've been going for like a minute and there's still 3 minutes left before the exercise will get any less intense? Your legs start to hurt and you're breathing hard and you wish you didn't have to strain so much, but you know it's for a greater good, so you just keep steppin' or peddling or whatever. You just keep going even though it's hard to maintain that level of effort . . .because you know you need to. I feel like I'm stuck on level 25 and it's been 5 minutes and I have 35 to go but I keep going because I know that the good my body will get from the exercise will ultimately be worth the strain.

Well, it's time to get off the computer and start some serious unit planning. Then some serious grading.

Have a good day!

The Quickening . . .

Hello all!

It's Friday night. It's my mom's birthday and, yeah, I'm sitting at my parents' computer adding a post to my blog. What a crazy week it has been! I had to work everyday. There were endless inservices, meetings, and acquaintances to make. That's not to mention a classroom to clean out and instruction to plan. (The previous teacher in my room left all his worthless, worldly possessions there covered with dust-- including a Worldbook Encyclopedia set from 1985. It's almost as if he was saying to me, "Here. You throw this away.") I'm finally at a point where I just have a few changes to make to my room, finalize next week's plans, and then get ready to greet my students at the door!

School starts on Monday and, since I have no life, I am going to spend the whole weekend at school getting ready. Luckily, I intend to be accompanied by my parents' camera so hopefully I will finally have some pictures for this blog!

My mommy had a lovely birthday. We went and saw the movie, Little Miss Sunshine. It's a crazy film, with an ADD-esque array of main characters that include a very dirty, cocaine-addicted grandfather, his self-obsessed son, a teenager who has taken a vow of silence until the day when he becomes a jet pilot, a gay, suicidal Proust scholar, and a seven-year-old girl with a belly who wants to win one of those little girl beauty pageants. The film is hilarious and its point is deep and profoundly made. The message in the movie is this: at the end of the day, each of us should be loved and appreciated for who we are no matter how gross, silly, quirky, weird, or off-color that may be. As a self-professed non-pageant winner, I really have to appreciate this message. It especially rings true now that in three days I will have a classroom full of a bunch of 9-12 th graders who need to be loved and appreciated for who they are, no matter how strange I perceive them to be. The same goes for the teachers at my school and, believe me, there are some crazy, quirky, and very off-color teachers at our school.

The other day, I was riding in the car and I saw a guy about my age walking on the sidewalk. With him was a woman with a baby in a bellypack. As I drove by them, I found myself wondering something that has popped up in my mind over and over. How does that happen? How do people fall in love and get married? Over and over and over I have met people I found attractive, only to get to know them and discover that my first impression was totally wrong. They're not bad people, but what I always discover is that -- for some reason or another -- they are not for me and I, in turn, am not for them. Usually our beliefs differ in some profound and undeniably important way, what they want out of life is mutually exclusive with what I hope for in life, or any number of other unreconcilable differences pop up. (The last one never wanted kids and believed in aliens like, to a point I couldn't even respect.) In any case, its like, through all of them, the message is ever-present and undeniably clear, "Not this one", "Nope. Wrong again," and, "Are you kidding me? I thought you got the picture last time. Listen again: It's not going to happen." I'm sure people could lecture me about letting go and letting God, about forgetting about it, etc. But, I've thought hard about that and this is what I've decided: How can you just forget about your vocation? Could you just forget about your dream, your family, or any other number of things that are really important to you and to your future? I will not stop thinking about the direction I hope my life will go, about the things I've wished and dreamed for since I was a pre-teen. I have a very hard time accepting the possibility that now could be forever, or that I may never receive any answers from above in this area. And no, I will not forget about it, or stop hoping, or stop thinking about where I hope my life is going to go. Why? Because I've tried and that's just not reality. People who say it is are either married or otherwise "settled" people who like to lecture single people about the virtues of unmarried chastity and selflessness. (This makes me retch every time. If you were married at 21 and had 3 kids in your first six years of marriage, you have no more business lecturing me about how I ought to live a single life than I do lecturing you about how you should handle your children or how you should resolve issues with your spouse.) That would be like me trying to lecture a brain surgeon on how to do neurosurgery. If you were single and never managed to "not think about it" and just accept it on your own with no answers in sight, then I don't want to hear about it from you. If you were once single and did manage to do this, then please englighten me because I have no idea how to stop hoping and wishing. And hoping and wishing only to be disappointed over and over is a real pain in the patootie and, quite frankly, I'm sick of it.

But I have thought hard about what life would be like if it would happen that I wouldn't ever get married. Could I accept that? Could I ever be happy? I have decided that I could live without sex: conversations with married girlfriends as well as limited personal experiences have taught me that. But I'm not sure I could be happy and feel satisfied without the rest of it. What if I never got the opportunity to be pregnant? To be a mother? To hold and nurse a baby? This is also a possibility about which God has provided no answers thus far. I suppose I could live if this didn't happen, but I would feel cheated. Man, would I ever. And the other questions: Could I grow old alone? Could I ever be satisfied growing older alone while I watched family and friends have children, spend time with their families, and celebrate major family milestones, all the while never being anything besides a casual observer or a friendly outsider? That would be tough too, and God and I would have to do a few rounds about that one. But I know it would end as it always does, like I'm screaming at a wall -- who won't budge or move or provide any kind of comfort besides a friendly, distant, disinterested smile and inexcusable silence. I know that it may not actually be like that, but that's how it feels.

And the big realization that has been just killing me lately is how little control I have over any of this. I had a professor once who said he could have married any number of the women he dated and been perfectly happy. The only thought that went through my mind is What? What planet do you come from? That is so far from my own experience, which has shown me over and over how many people I couldn't have married. (Really. This isn't just that I'm hard to please, I swear. Both of us knew we were not for each other in just about all these situations. You get a sense for this when you listen to your gut.) And the more the scenario repeats itself, the sicker I am of going through it and, yeah, I'm about ready to throw in the towel. Not in a sort of, "Yeah. I like single. Let's do this forever" kind of way. It's more like a "Whatever! Just as long as I don't get disappointed and heart broken anymore and I don't have to play any more of these stupid games!" kind of way. But I still can't imagine being single forever. That's not really something I can even fathom. So I keep hoping and I keep getting disappointed and through it all there is is this unbearable, answerless silence from above and -- at the best of times -- a "trust Me" thing that I have thus far not accepted. Trust You for what? No offense, but God's record on this point has stunk thus far. And that's where it lies, and it sort of stays like that, and it's total crap. I hope I grow out of it. That's all I have to say about that.

On a lighter note, I am finally getting my finances really under control. I made a budget last month. I can't save as much each month as I was hoping, but at least I'll be living under a realistic money plan. I'm doing the envelope system where I take out a certain amount of money out for certain purposes. I've arranged so everything I spend on impulse buys comes out in cash at the beginning. It'll work out.

And the pets are all on meds, and all fine. (Besides Andromeda, who is dead.) If I get another mouse, I will name her Persephone.

I am so tired I am going to go to bed. Enough ranting. I'll write more tomorrow. It's better to talk when you're conscious.