If you ever want to hurt my feelings . . .

And make me really angry at the same time, I will tell you exactly how to do it.



Step 1: Accept my invitation or my attendance to an evening where I will cook for you, make you a priority, or otherwise put thought and energy into spending time with you/supporting you/being there for you.

Step 2: Allow me to expend that energy by cleaning, cooking for you, clearing my schedule for the event, or putting myself into an uncomfortable situation to be with you or to support you.

Step 3: At the last minute, call and nonchalantly announce that you can't make it. Be sure to act like it's no big deal, and absolutely don't try to reschedule an appointment at another time to make up for the missed one.


That is exactly what happened this evening. A family I know had accepted my invitation to dessert, coffee, and games at my apartment. Then, after I had cleaned my apartment for two hours in anticipation of their arrival, they called and nonchalantly announced that they could not make it, as their sons had decided to go to a movie instead.

I know this ought to be no big deal, but I had cleared my schedule for them, anticipated their visit, turned down an afternoon with my family, and put extra energy forth in making sure they would have a comfortable evening at my home.

The upside is that I did get a clean apartment out of the deal!

Even so, it always feels like a rejection when this happens, as if my effort, presence, and energy are not important enough to the person in question to actually show up where they said they would be. I'm not sure why this insults and angers me so. I think loving actions must be my love language because it always feels as if my friendship has been rejected when this happens.

Mind you, its not only that they couldn't make it. You can always avoid hurting my feelings by apologizing for not making it, and by offering an idea for a different but equivalent get together at a later time to make up for it.

But nobody seems to think of that. I don't think most people understand my perspective on this. All I know is that this is my absolute first and unrivaled pet peeve at the moment, since it has happened a few times in the past few months with different people involved. And none of them ever understand why I get so upset about it.

I'll be sure to provide a very happy, positive post next time to make up for this negative, angry one. But that's how I'm feeling right now.