Blog as therapy

Coming this Saturday, is my official LAST wedding of the year! Woo hoo! Congrats, Joe and Becky, but may there be no more of these! At least not in 2008!
. . .update.

I found a quote that epitomizes my experience going to weddings and it perfectly explains the reason why they can be so emotional for me:

"[For single-and-searching females, weddings are]. . . kinda like making someone who is suffering from severe malnutrition go to a Sizzler and not letting them eat . . . Weddings are a flashy, neon sign showing the single everything they don't have: love, companionship, trust, and the guarantee (with the consent of both parties, of course) that you are going to have a baby."

There ya go! That pretty much sums it up! (In case you were wondering!)

As you can guess, the wedding on Saturday was pretty emotional for me, as shown by the fact that I spent the first hour of the reception locked in the unisex bathroom bawling my eyes out into my cell phone with my female trainer, Monica, trying to comfort me from the other end. Part of it, of course, was the 24 miles I had run that morning (in preparation for my marathon); I was tired, emotional, and somewhat delirious from exhaustion. Part of it was the fellow getting married and the five or six babies in attendance I had never met in the arms of other married friends who I hadn't seen since their weddings. The rest of it, though, was the doubt that nags inside of me everywhere I go: that my life's purpose has more to do with a job to be done than a person (or persons) to love. I've thought long and hard about this point: could I be happy and fulfilled as a single person? The answer: I don't know, but I can't see that reality right now. Can I be content not knowing what will happen? The answer: perhaps. Maybe. But it isn't something I'll accomplish on my own. :) There are a lot of questions. I think the best explanation of the process singles go through was printed in Christianity today. This magazine couched the experience of extended singleness as a grieving process rather than as a simply pity party:

"Older singles grieve the loss of their youth, lost years of love, and the children that they have not borne. The pain of extended singleness isn't so much coveting a relationship, but grieving lost dreams. If it is insensitive to tell a recent widow to be content in the midst of her loss, it is equally insensitive to say it to someone who is widowed by circumstance."

Of course, there are tons of other perspectives on this. Some much more positive and cheerful. I'll look through those, too. Perhaps, at some point, I'll see things in a more positive light. I'm not angry like I used to be: I think that's definitely an improvement. It's a process, and I'm just going through it, one step at a time. :)