Sunday Update

Hello all!

Sunday evening and feeling good!

I've been thinking hard the last few days. New thoughts. Nourishing thoughts. Realizing that I need to nurture some new perspectives and this realization has eased some of the mental and emotional weight I habitually carry around.

Issue One: What's it all about, anyway?
Sub-issue: God, Me, my dreams and goals, and God's work in my life.

I certainly haven't got this one figured out. Nor will I go into great detail about what I've been thinking about it. I will say, though, that God has been steadfastly and unmovingly teaching me the following two things.

1) He will come first. He's adamant about this one. I can complain and cry and throw up all the distractions at once, but He doesn't budge. I think the Bible's right when it says that God is jealous. He wants to be first, and He'll wait patiently until I can get it through my head that He needs to be first in my life. I think I have to understand that and live it before I can take on any other relationships that could (and would at this point)come before Him. I can't say I've got everything figured out, but that's where I think I'm supposed to go. It's tough to accept the blessings offered instead of trying to create my own, but the more I remind myself that God knows what my life would be like in the best of all possible worlds -- and that he wants that for me -- it gets easier. God knows what is best for me, and He provides me with what I need. In Mother Theresa's words -- words that I always try to remember -- "How much more the Heavenly Father knows!"

2) The hard part of this is realizing that His will for me may not be the will I have for myself. Whoa, that one is tough. I have all these fears . . .What if this happens? and What if I never accomplish this and this? I'm scared the end of my life will find me as a lonely old cat lady in a big, empty house. I don't want that. But that's where taking it a day at a time comes in, and that seems to allay major What if stresses.

Issue Two: Lesson Planning

I have decided to dispose of the unit topic I was teaching in the ninth grade class because I didn't have any materials for it and it was boring . . .to me too. So, I sat down this weekend and started a whole new unit topic. I decided on my conceptual and procedural goals, made my materials list, and I've been screaming along ever since. I've got Monday and Wednesday pretty much planned, but there's still more work to do. Feeling great about the progress I've made though. :)I'm hoping to do something similar for tenth grade. My only fear is that the reality of teaching school will up my stress level enough that it will knock my intellectual functioning closer to the brainstem. Then I can't think abstractly as well . . .I read about that in Fred Jones and I think it explains why it's so hard for me to plan lessons at the end of the school day: I'm stressed, exhausted, and I've had it up to here.

Issue Three: Finances

Many know how concerned about money I've been lately. But I realized this weekend that I'm at the bottom of the barrel right now and I'm starting on the up-swing. Things can only get better for me financially. Here's why:

A) I'm at the bottom of the payscale. I make least amount that any teacher can in the Meridian schools. This won't last . . though, granted, it won't change soon either. I still have at least a year and a half to put in before I'm eligible for a raise.

B) I've just paid off some debts, so my disposable income is really limited at this particular moment. That makes me feel financially strained and I think that has added to my financial squirming.

C) I've gotten a raise this year and I actually have some disposable income now but that fact hasn't registered yet since I paid off some debts and haven't seen any of that money go into my savings or checking accounts yet.

C) Things aren't so bad. My debt is low. There's some money in savings, and it can only get better. I just need to wait it out and let things improve gradually, as they will clearly do from now on.

The only depressing thing? I went through my usual round of looking at housing prices today. . .It's a cycle: I start out idealistically looking at listings on realtor websites, swing around the mortgage calculator and check how much mortgage would be, then, when I see those results, I go check the "How much can I afford?" calculator, get frustrated and give the whole thing up until I forget how frustrating it was, get curious, and start checking listings again. My buying power today? $85,000. Ha! But, it could be worse. Eventually, I may find another single adult who wants to buy together or my sister might stop telling me where to go every time I bring it up, or some other weird option my present itself. Things can only get better from here. So, in the meantime, I'll wait and save and be happy in my lovely apartment with hardwood floors. :)

Wesley got blessed today for the Feast of St. Francis. We got there just before the blessing part of the ceremony because Wesley decided to jump out of the car and take a gleeful jaunt around the neighborhood with me driving right behind. What a turd! At least he's good and blessed now, but I don't think it will affect his will to be free to sniff new places.

:) He's up surveying his backyard kingdom now, and making sure it doesn't get ransacked by squirrels looking for a good time.

Back to work!
Elisabeth